MY RELATIONS

Iamarrivedatthatpointoflife,atwhichamanmayaccountitablessing,asitisasingularity,ifhehaveeitherofhisparentssurviving.Ihavenotthatfelicity——andsometimesthinkfeelinglyofapassageinBrownesChristianMorals,wherehespeaksofamanthathathlivedsixtyorseventyyearsintheworld."Insuchapassoftime,"hesays,"amanmayhaveacloseapprehensionwhatitistobeforgotten,whenhehathlivedtofindnonewhocouldrememberhisfather,orscarcelythefriendsofhisyouth,andmasensiblyseewithwhatafaceinnolongtimeOBLIVIONwilllookuponhimself."

Ihadanaunt,adearandgoodone.Shewasonewhomsingleblessednesshadsouredtotheworld.Sheoftenusedtosay,thatIwastheonlythinginitwhichsheloved;and,whenshethoughtIwasquittingit,shegrievedovermewithmotherstears.Apartialityquitesoexclusivemyreasoncannotaltogetherapprove.Shewasfrommorningtillnightporingovergoodbooks,anddevotionalexercises.HerfavouritevolumeswereThomasKempis,inStanhopesTranslation;andaRomanCatholicprayerBook,withthematinsandplinesregularlysetdown,——termswhichIwasatthattimetooyoungtounderstand.Shepersistedinreadingthem,althoughadmonisheddailyconcerningtheirPapisticaltendency;andwenttochurcheverySabbath,asagoodProtestantshoulddo.Theseweretheonlybooksshestudied;though,Ithink,atoneperiodofherlife,shetoldme,shehadreadwithgreatsatisfactiontheAdventuresofanUnfortunateYoungNobleman.FindingthedoorofthechapelinEssex-streetopenoneday——itwasintheinfancyofthatheresy——shewentin,likedthesermon,andthemannerofworship,andfrequenteditatintervalssometimeafter.Shecamenotfordoctrinalpoints,andnevermissedthem.Withsomelittleasperitiesinherconstitution,whichIhaveabovehintedat,shewasasteadfast,friendlybeing,andafineoldChristian.Shewasawomanofstrongsense,andashrewdmind——extraordinaryatarepartee;oneofthefewoccasionsofherbreakingsilence——elseshedidnotmuchvaluewit.TheonlysecularemploymentIremembertohaveseenherengagedin,was,thesplittingofFrenchbeans,anddroppingthemintoaChinabasinoffairwater.Theodourofthosetendervegetablestothisdayesbackuponmysense,redolentofsoothingrecollections.Certainlyitisthemostdelicateofculinaryoperations.

Maleaunts,assomebodycallsthem,Ihadnone——toremember.BytheunclessideImaybesaidtohavebeenbornanorphan.Brother,orsister,Ineverhadany——toknowthem.Asister,Ithink,thatshouldhavebeenElizabeth,diedinbothourinfancies.Whatafort,orwhatacare,mayInothavemissedinher!——ButIhavecousins,sprinkledaboutinHertfordshire——besidestwo,withwhomIhavebeenallmylifeinhabitsoftheclosestintimacy,andwhomImaytermcousinsparexcellence.TheseareJamesandBridgetElia.Theyareolderthanmyselfbytwelve,andten,years;andneitherofthemseemsdisposed,inmattersofadviceandguidance,towaiveanyoftheprerogativeswhichprimogenitureconfers.Maytheycontinuestillinthesamemind;andwhentheyshallbeseventy-five,andseventy-three,yearsold(Icannotsparethemsooner),persistintreatingmeinmygrandclimactericpreciselyasastripling,oryoungerbrother!

Jamesisaninexplicablecousin.Naturehathherunities,whichnoteverycriticcanpenetrate;or,ifwefeel,wecannotexplainthem.ThepenofYorick,andofnonesincehis,couldhavedrawnJ.E.entire——thosefineShandianlightsandshades,whichmakeuphisstory.Imustlimpafterinmypoorantitheticalmanner,asthefateshavegivenmegraceandtalent.J.F.then——totheeyeofamonobserveratleast——seemethmadeupofcontradictoryprinciples——Thegenuinechildofimpulse,thefrigidphilosopherofprudence——thephlegmofmycousinsdoctrineisinvariablyatwarwithhistemperament,whichishighsanguine.Withalwayssomefire-newprojectinhisbrain,J.E.isthesystematicopponentofinnovation,andcrierdownofeverythingthathasnotstoodthetestofageandexperiment.Withahundredfinenotionschasingoneanotherhourlyinhisfancy,heisstartledattheleastapproachtotheromanticinothers;and,determinedbyhisownsenseineverything,mendsyoutotheguidanceofmonsenseonalloccasions——Withatouchoftheeccentricinallwhichhedoes,orsays,heisonlyanxiousthatyoushouldnotmityourselfbydoinganythingabsurdorsingular.Onmyoncelettingslipattable,thatIwasnotfondofacertainpopulardish,hebeggedmeatanyratenottosayso——fortheworldwouldthinkmemad.Hedisguisesapassionatefondnessforworksofhighart(whereofhehathamassedachoicecollection),underthepretextofbuyingonlytosellagain——thathisenthusiasmmaygivenoencouragementtoyours.Yet,ifitwereso,whydoesthatpieceoftender,pastoralDominichinohangstillbyhiswall?——istheballofhissightmuchmoredeartohim?——orwhatpicture-dealercantalklikehim?

Whereasmankindingeneralareobservedtowarptheirspeculativeconclusionstothebentoftheirindividualhumours,histheoriesaresuretobeindiametricaloppositiontohisconstitution.HeiscourageousasCharlesofSweden,uponinstinct;charyofhisperson,uponprinciple,asatravellingQuaker——Hehasbeenpreachinguptome,allmylife,thedoctrineofbowingtothegreat——thenecessityofforms,andmanner,toamansgettingonintheworld.Hehimselfneveraimsateither,thatIcandiscover,——andhasaspirit,thatwouldstanduprightinthepresenceoftheChamofTartary.Itispleasanttohearhimdiscourseofpatience——extollingitasthetruestwisdom——andtoseehimduringthelastsevenminutesthathisdinnerisgettingready.Natureneverranupinherhasteamorerestlesspieceofworkmanshipthanwhenshemouldedthisimpetuouscousin——andArtneverturnedoutamoreelaborateoratorthanhecandisplayhimselftobe,uponhisfavouritetopicoftheadvantagesofquiet,andcontentednessinthestate,whateveritmaybe,thatweareplacedin.Heistriumphantonthistheme,whenhehasyousafeinoneofthoseshortstagesthatplyforthewesternroad,inaveryobstructingmanner,atthefootofJohnMurraysstreet——whereyougetinwhenitisempty,andareexpectedtowaittillthevehiclehathpletedherjustfreight——atryingthreequartersofanhourtosomepeople.Hewondersatyourfidgetiness,——"wherecouldwebebetterthanweare,thussitting,thusconsulting?"——"prefers,forhispart,astateofresttolootion,"——withaneyeallthewhileuponthecoachman——tillatlength,waxingoutofallpatience,atyourwantofit,hebreaksoutintoapatheticremonstranceatthefellowfordetainingussolongoverthetimewhichhehadprofessed,anddeclaresperemptorily,that"thegentlemaninthecoachisdeterminedtogetout,ifhedoesnotdriveonthatinstant."

Veryquickatinventinganargument,ordetectingasophistry,heisincapableofattendingyouinanychainofarguing.Indeedhemakeswildworkwithlogic;andseemstojumpatmostadmirableconclusionsbysomeprocess,notatallakintoit.Consonantlyenoughtothis,hehathbeenheardtodeny,uponcertainoccasions,thatthereexistssuchafacultyatallinmanasreason;andwonderethhowmancamefirsttohaveaconceitofit——enforcinghisnegationwithallthemightofreasoningheismasterof.Hehassomespeculativenotionsagainstlaughter,andwillmaintainthatlaughingisnotnaturaltohim——whenperadventurethenextmomenthislungsshallcrowlikeChanticleer.Hesayssomeofthebestthingsintheworld——anddeclareththatwitishisaversion.Itwashewhosaid,uponseeingtheEtonboysatplayintheirgrounds——Whatapitytothink,thatthesefineingenuousladsinafewyearswillallbechangedintofrivolousMembersofParliament!

Hisyouthwasfiery,glowing,tempestuous——andinagehediscoverethnosymptomofcooling.ThisisthatwhichIadmireinhim.IhatepeoplewhomeetTimehalf-way.Iamfornopromisewiththatinevitablespoiler.Whilehelives,J.E.willtakehisswing——Itdoesmegood,asIwalktowardsthestreetofmydailyavocation,onsomefineMaymorning,tomeethimmarchinginaquiteoppositedirection,withajollyhandsomepresence,andshiningsanguineface,thatindicatessomepurchaseinhiseye——aClaude——oraHobbima——formuchofhisenviableleisureisconsumedatChristies,andPhillipss——orwherenot,topickuppictures,andsuchgauds.Ontheseoccasionshemostlystoppethme,toreadashortlectureontheadvantageapersonlikemepossessesabovehimself,inhavinghistimeoccupiedwithbusinesswhichhemustdo——assurethmethatheoftenfeelsithangheavyonhishands——wisheshehadfewerholidays——andgoesoff——WestwardHo!——chantingatune,toPallMall——perfectlyconvincedthathehasconvincedme——whileIproceedinmyoppositedirectiontuneless.

ItispleasantagaintoseethisProfessorofIndifferencedoingthehonoursofhisnewpurchase,whenhehasfairlyhousedit.Youmustviewitineverylight,tillhehasfoundthebest——placingitatthisdistance,andatthat,butalwayssuitingthefocusofyoursighttohisown.Youmustspyatitthroughyourfingers,tocatchtheaerialperspective——thoughyouassurehimthattoyouthelandscapeshowsmuchmoreagreeablewithoutthatartifice.Wobetothelucklesswight,whodoesnotonlynotrespondtohisrapture,butwhoshoulddropanunseasonableintimationofpreferringoneofhisanteriorbargainstothepresent!——Thelastisalwayshisbesthit——his"Cynthiaoftheminute."——Alas!howmanyamildMadonnahaveIknowntoein——aRaphael!——keepitsascendancyforafewbriefmoons——then,aftercertainintermedialdegradations,fromthefrontdrawing-roomtothebackgallery,thencetothedarkparlour,adoptedinturnbyeachoftheCarracci,undersuccessiveloweringascriptionsoffiliation,mildlybreakingitsfall——consignedtotheobliviouslumber-room,gooutatlastaLuccaGiordano,orplainCarloMaratti——whichthingswhenIbeheldmusinguponthechancesandmutabilitiesoffatebelow,hathmademetoreflectuponthealteredconditionofgreatpersonages,orthatwofulQueenofRichardtheSecond——

setforthinpomp,

ShecameadornedhitherlikesweetMay.

SentbacklikeHollowmassorshortestday.

Withgreatloveforyou,J.E.bathbutalimitedsympathywithwhatyoufeelordo.Helivesinaworldofhisown,andmakesslenderguessesatwhatpassesinyourmind.Heneverpiercesthemarrowofyourhabits.Hewilltellanoldestablishedplay-goer,thatMr.Such-a-one,ofSo-and-so(namingoneofthetheatres),isaverylivelyedian——asapieceofnews!Headvertisedmebuttheotherdayofsomepleasantgreenlaneswhichhehadfoundoutforme,knowingmetobeagreatwalker,inmyownimmediatevicinity——whohavehauntedtheidenticalspotanytimethesetwentyyears!——Hehasnotmuchrespectforthatclassoffeelingswhichgoesbythenameofsentimental.Heappliesthedefinitionofrealeviltobodilysufferingsexclusively——andrejectethallothersasimaginary.Heisaffectedbythesight,orthebaresupposition,ofacreatureinpain,toadegreewhichIhaveneverwitnessedoutofwomankind.Aconstitutionalacutenesstothisclassofsufferingsmayinpartaccountforthis.Theanimaltribeinparticularhetakethunderhisespecialprotection.Abroken-windedorspur-galledhorseissuretofindanadvocateinhim.Anover-loadedassishisclientforever.Heistheapostletothebrutekind——thenever-failingfriendofthosewhohavenonetocareforthem.Thecontemplationofalobsterboiled,oreelsskinnedalive,willwringhimso,that"allforpityhecoulddie."Itwilltakethesavourfromhispalate,andtherestfromhispillow,fordaysandnights.WiththeintensefeelingofThomasClarkson,hewantedonlythesteadinessofpursuit,andunityofpurpose,ofthat"trueyoke-fellowwithTime,"tohaveeffectedasmuchfortheanimal,ashebathdonefortheNegroCreation.butmyuncontrollablecousinisbutimperfectlyformedforpurposeswhichdemandcooperation.Hecannotwait.Hisamelioration-plansmustberipenedinaday.Forthisreasonhehascutbutanequivocalfigureinbenevolentsocieties,andbinationsforthealleviationofhumansufferings.Hiszealconstantlymakeshimtooutrun,andputout,hiscoadjutors.Hethinksofrelieving,whiletheythinkofdebating.Hewasblack-balledoutofasocietyfortheReliefof——,becausethefervorofhishumanitytoiledbeyondtheformalapprehension,andcreepingprocesses,ofhisassociates.IshallalwaysconsiderthisdistinctionasapatentofnobilityintheEliafamily!

DoImentiontheseseeminginconsistenciestosmileat,orupbraid,myuniquecousin?Marry,heaven,andallgoodmanners,andtheunderstandingthatshouldbebetweenkinsfolk,forbid——WithallthestrangenessesofthisstrangestoftheElias——Iwouldnothavehiminonejotortittleotherthanheis;neitherwouldIbarterorexchangemywildkinsmanforthemostexact,regular,andeverywayconsistentkinsmanbreathing.

Inmynext,reader,ImayperhapsgiveyousomeaccountofmycousinBridget——ifyouarenotalreadysurfeitedwithcousins——andtakeyoubythehand,ifyouarewillingtogowithus,onanexcursionwhichwemadeasummerortwosince,insearchofmorecousins-

ThroughthegreenplainsofpleasantHertfordshire